Stress Ball
by Tawnyshine
Summary: When Tsume has pent up stress that only mauling something can solve. M for extensive Tsume cussing.


**THIRD FIC IN THREE DAYS, I'M ON A ROLL.**

**I feel like a spammer, but I'M ON A ROLLLL.**

**When you get Facebook and talk about how Toboe wouldn't have multiple scars in my previous fic, it made me think of this.**

**... did I say scars? I meant bruises. ^~^;**

* * *

><p><strong>Stress Ball<strong>

You all know Tsume's story. You all know how Tsume was exiled from his pack, and how he more than likely has some pretty deep thoughts going through his mind.

If you were Tsume, wouldn't you like to sink your fangs into something? To just ROUR! And GRR! And relieve your stress?

Buy a Toboe today! Only 9.99, shipping and handling applies, plus tax.

Buy a Toboe today! Only 9.99, plus shipping and handling, must be 18 or older to call. Just dial 1-800-GET-TOBOE.

Plus tax. Please make all checks payable to Tawnyshine or the TawnyColoredAbyssofDoom, at the previous and/or above pen names. [shameless self-pimpage~]

Side Note: If they don't answer you, then they don't want to see your face. Just call 1-800-BALLZIE.

If they don't answer you, then dial 1-800-fuck-child-abuse-laws-and-general-humanity. Because we're sending you Toboe. To use as a stress ball.

...

You're going to need a lawyer, BTW.

ANYWAY~~~

The particular day I'd like us all to peer into the Looking Glass to view would be one day as a giant seal type thing died at Toboe's paws.

Kiba insisted that Toboe would eat first, since it was his kill. So Toboe awkwardly edged forward, then awkwardly sniffed it, then ATTEMPTED to take a bite.

... PFFTLOL who are we kidding? The other wolves had to help break the skin.

Great job, Toboe. Killing a HUGE piece of prey that's more skin and blubber than it is meat.

Tsume voiced the above thought.

Toboe just stared at Tsume, who, in wolf form, had approached the now-human-Toboe.

"... Tsume, he just saved all our asses..." Hige sad.

"But he picked a hell of a time to do so," Tsume said, laying down and putting his paws on the bridge of his nose, to stubborn to put on the human illusion to pinch it.

". . ." Everybody just looked at Tsume. The seal's eyes glowed a little, Toboe imagined, in order to stare.

"... what? I'm stressed, okay?"

"... Tsume, stressed? What has this world come to?" Hige said sarcastically, taking another whack at trying to pierce it's five foot thick skin.

"OHMYGOD!" Tsume exclaimed, standing up and shouting. "SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I JUST NEED TO... I NEED TO... I JUST FEEL..." He was unable to voice his thoughts, but instead just started rabidly growling. Hige looked up from his meal of seal skin to stare.

And Hige wouldn't abandon food that easily, no matter how bland it was.

Tsume, twitching and eyes reddish with veins, jerk-stepped toward still-human-Toboe.

"TOBOE RUN!" Kiba shouted, but Toboe was just standing there in fear.

And then, Tsume did it.

He put his mouth, his huge maw, his cavern of fangs, around Toboe's hand, and...

Lightly nommed on his pointer finger, relaxing immediately, even sitting down and absentmindedly nibbling on it.

Toboe and the others stared, just watching. Tsume realized he was being watched, and promptly stood up, now in human form.

He coughed. "I, uh... feel a lot better. Err... thanks, Toboe."

"... your saliva is thick, Tsume," Toboe said, holding his hand up, which was dripping with Tsume-goo.

There was sweet, eerie silence as Tsume's spit dripped to the ground, forming in a puddle on the ice. Tsume looked like he was about to die of embarrassment, and nobody spoke.

...

...

...

"I FOUND IT! Oh, wait, no, that's just blubber..."

"Hey," Kiba spoke up. "Why don't we go help Hige break through the fat?"

"Sounds like a plan," Tsume rushed to make sure nobody saw how scarlet his face was, though we could probably see it from the Empire State Building.

Later that night

Tsume had had enough. His day had already been SHITTY as HELL, and on top of that, Hige had asked if Tsume needed to 'use his hand' three times in the last hour.

In other words, everything that anyone ever did at all pissed him off.

The most gorgeous she-wolf in the world (what's left of it anyway) could walk right in front of him and ask if he 'needed help' and Tsume would get pissed.

...

Wellmaybethat'sabitexaggerated.

... yeahhhhhh...

So when Toboe tapped Tsume on the shoulder, his apathetic nature automatically registered "Oh, he's coming to apolo-fuckin-gise for embarrassing the shit out of me."

But nooooo. "Tsume..."

"Yes, Toboe, what is it?" he responded in mock sweetness. AH IT BURNED.

"I'd like to say... about earlier..."

"I'm listening..."

What Tsume didn't know was that Hige put him up to saying, "I... I-I just wanted to say, that... I-if you ever... feel, uhh, st-stressed again... like that... y-you can..." he gulped, "c-chewonmeanytimeyouwantkthxbai." and he ran away, leaving Tsume to steep.

Which is not what he did, no no, in fact, he didn't even remain sitting. He stood, and his leather-clad legs strode across the cave they were staying in, and Toboe shivered behind Kiba, who had no chance in Hell of protecting the little stress ball.

"TSUME!" Kiba, always the peace maker here, defended Toboe. "What's gotten into you?"

Tsume, the piece maker, replied calmly, "Nothing. But soon it's going to be little bits of his body, with screams and yells of pain and fear echoing around my ribcage."

Hige, on his side of the cave, snickered softly to himself.

Kiba glared disapprovingly, like the mother of the pack we all know he is.

Tsume glared ferociously at Toboe.

Toboe shook in his boots while sending HELP ME glances at Hige.

The tension grew, and grew, and just grew until Tsume put his hand on Kiba's shoulder, nodding. Kiba looked back at Dead-Wolf-Walking over here, and whispered a 'I'm so sorry! !' to him, standing up and letting Tsume do whatever.

"Kid," he said, "You have fourteen seconds to run."

"Why fourte-"

"Twelve. Ten."

"YOU SKIPPED ELE-"

"Eight."

Toboe shrieked, running off into the dark.

Kiba sat by Hige, who was litterally ROFL'ing now.

... Seriously. ROFLCOPTER ALERT. LMFAO. ROFLMAO. WHATEVERRR.

"Stop laughing so hard, Hige. It's getting interesting."

He poked his head up as Tsume took one step in the general direction of TOBOE. "Oh? Y-you mean you actually unleashed him on Toboe! ?"

"Aww, don't worry. You were going to eat him anyway, don't lie."

"... why aren't you worried?"

"Because nobody likes Toboe C:"

"I DO D:" I said, because I am the author. And authors can pop in and do shit like thi-

"SHUT UP. NOBODY CARES," Hige said. "We're not even your characters, anyway. Jeez, when you gonna make your own OC?"

... ok-

"SHUT."

.. B-

"UP."

... bu-

"NO."

...

...

...

...

"Okay we need you to narrate. Continue."

... Ahem. So.

"Oh, To-bo-eeee," Tsume called into the dark. Well, not really. Toboe was hiding in a hole, but his hair was sticking out. Kinda hard to miss =/

"... is.. Toboe... crying?" Hige asked, feeling kind of bad. Kiba was only kidding about the whole eating Toboe thing, and Hige agreed and... things kinda got out of hand. Now Toboe doesn't trust him with a fork.

"... I think he is," I say, sitting between them, leaning on Hige, who looked at me like I was psycho.

BECAUSE I AM MUAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHALOL

...

-cough-

"Can you please get off me?"

"No."

"..."

Tsume reached down in the hole and pulled Toboe, screaming bloody murder (relevantly), out of it by the scruff of the neck and sat him down.

"Run, runt."

"NO JUST GET IT OVER WITH!" he cried.

"If you run, you might live," Tsume reminded him. "... might."

"..." he shakily got up, and straightened out, then took off, screaming. Tsume soon followed.

"ASSHOLE!" Tsume began streaming profanities.

"Oh, now he's cussing," Kiba said.

"Tisk, tisk, Tsume, tisk tisk."

"WOULD YOU GET OUT OF HERE? !"

"CUNTBITCH!"

"... Gee, I've never seen Tsume so riled up..." Hige started.

"You don't say?"

Their tone was conversationy. Like this was watching a dog chase it's tail.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" he continued.

"Tsume, PLEASE!" Toboe pleaded.

"DERPFACE! ASSMUSHROOM!"

"... ass mushroom?" Hige asked, then turned to me. "Da fuq are you getting these?"

"Abyssehness C:"

"... kay then."

"DONKEY'SBITCH! ASSFUCKING CRAPKISSER SHIT HEAD!"

"OKAYTHAT'SENOUGHENRICHINGMYBABY'SVOCAB."

Stares.

"Err... I mean... Stop, Tsume. It's bad for your health."

"Because I know what a cross over is, and Wheatley has mashy spike plates."

"... who?"

"NOTHING, NOTHING~~"

"... I'm going to choose to believe that," Kiba said beside me, "only because I know I'm not the one you're threatening here."

I winked. "Now. On with attempting to kill Toboe."

Tsume glared at Toboe, the poor boy cornered now, as he approached him slowly and threateningly. "I feel bad for hurting your precious finger before, Toboe. I feel like I need to maul something to relieve the grief," he said, snarling though he was still in human form.

... Hot.

"Tsume, before I die, I'd like to say one thing."

"Yeah?"

"This was Hige's idea."

Hige stiffened.

"Ooooohh, you're in some serious fucked up shit, HE GAYYY." I poofed over to Tsume's side, winking at him, and sat down beside still crying Toboe. "See? I told you you wouldn't die. Today. :')"

"Now," Tsume said as he turned on his heel and from behind, we could see (besides his leather wearing ass. Rour.) smoke coming from his nose.

I whispered to Toboe, "Now... they... I can't make promises about."

"You DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE."

"See what I mean?"

"WTF Tsume?" Kiba said, raising his hands. "I HAD NOTHING TO DO WI- THIS HOLD IS ILLEGAL PUT ME DOWN."

"WE. ARE. WOLVES. WE HAVE NO NEED FOR LAWS."

"Higeee~~~" I called. "Don't think you can sneak awayyy~~~~ C:"

Tsume turned his head, to where Hige was attempting to edge out of the cave and into the rain.

"OH NO YOU MOTHERFUCKING DON'T."

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Toboe and I cringed as Hige was dragged over the rather rocky ground. "TSUME IT WAS ALL A JOKE! ! ! DON'T EAT ME! DON'T KILL ME! DON'T RAPE ME! DON'T MURDER ME! DON'T SELL ME INTO SLAVER-"

"No, he's gonna kill ya :)" I said, putting my arm around Toboe's shoulders. I turned to him. "Please stop crying ;-;"

The last thing you will hear from this fic is Hige's high pitched yelp ;3

... and some choking sounds.

And some frustrated grunts, and maybe the sound of ropes burning against eachother. And me offering Tsume for a tree branch for his new pinata.

And Toboe finally laughing :D!


End file.
